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brainsickparent

um...thanks?

Jul. 24th, 2007 | 06:56 am
mood: confusedconfused
posted by: dietcokehed in brainsickparent

http://ljusersecrets.greatestjournal.com/

Why, exactly? I don't really care, since the original was posted in a community, therefore leaving it available to such immaturity. But it's a five month old post o.O
Get a clue thanks.

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brainsickparent

(no subject)

Feb. 25th, 2007 | 09:09 pm
mood: draineddrained
posted by: dietcokehed in brainsickparent

I don't know what to say when my best friend tells me she's worried about me. Normally I'd say "it'll be ok, no need to worry". But it's not ok now. I'm not ok. But I also don't want to say "be worried". I don't want people to worry about me. Particularly people who can't do anything to help. I'm on my meds, I've caught up on sleep, the kids are currently behaving, but I still don't want them or this life. It occurred to me recently why no one has sent me to the nut house during a breakdown. They'd have the burden of caring for the twins. Nobody wants my burden. I hear it all the time "I don't know how you do it", "I don't envy you" and "I couldn't do it". Well, I'm heavily medicated and have remained relatively strong. But you can only have so much strength for so much time. I don't have the endurance to keep going. I know I need to find a new shrink (my old one stopped taking my insurance and I didn't like her anyway) and possibly have my meds upped or changed. Oh goody, more guinea pig testing on my brain.
I'm suicidal. I realized the other day that I now have a garage. In the morning, when I start the car before getting the kids in, I notice how quickly it fills the air with exhaust, and that's with the garage door wide open. I also found I don't mind the smell...
I don't think I'll ever go through with it. I don't want to leave my kids. I want to take them with me. But if I attempt it, and any of us were to survive I know life would be very difficult without the rest of us. I wouldn't make an "attempt" as a cry for help, because I wouldn't want to succeed. I have cried out for help already, literally, verbally. I drained my family resources, I think. I have ants in my bed for unknown reasons. Scouts. After...the scent of my hair? Who knows. I have fruit flies in my car. The kids' dad lets them eat in there and doesn't pick the food they drop/throw.

I know why mothers abandon their kids. I know why they take off and leave a two year old to fend for themselves at home. I know why they drown their kids.

I took a Vicodin for mood-altering purposes. It worked. I often wonder if abusing a drug or alcohol would help me get though this alive.

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brainsickparent

intro post

Feb. 12th, 2007 | 08:31 pm
mood: sleepysleepy
posted by: xliquidxfirex in brainsickparent

Name-  laurel
Age- 25
Diagnosed Illness(s)- bipolar II, BPD, major depression, anxiety disorder
Medication(s)- only taking xanax  as needed right now
Children and ages- adam, 3 1/2; 6 weeks pregnant with baby #2

hi everyone!  i am so glad to have found this community.  i've been going through a lot of inner turmoil lately and really need someone to lean on.  my fiancee is in the navy so i don't have him around much and times have been tougher than i anticipated.  i'm feeling the need to get back on some kind of meds but our county mental health system is ridiculous.  i'm hoping that by just being able to reach out to others, that my present state of mind will improve.  anyway, thank you for having me here and i apologize for the poor-me whininess of my first post.  heh.

any questions, please feel free to ask.

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brainsickparent

(no subject)

Dec. 21st, 2006 | 11:27 pm
mood: draineddrained
posted by: dietcokehed in brainsickparent

Anyone try the new anti-depressant...I think it's Cymbalta? The commercial says it helps the mental AND physical symptoms of depression. I was just wondering if it has helped anyone.

I don't think the Wellbutrin and Zoloft I am on is working anymore. I feel like killing my kids, sometimes myself...actual urges, not the "I'm annoyed, I'm gonna kill you..."

x-posted

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new member

Oct. 26th, 2006 | 10:39 am
posted by: calidreaming82 in brainsickparent

Name-Jessica
Age-24
Diagnosed Illness(s)bi-polar disorder
Medication(s)- effexor, wellbutrin, tegretol, sereqol
Children and ages- Patrick two and a half

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from the mod

Aug. 3rd, 2006 | 02:20 pm
posted by: dorky_mom in brainsickparent

This Community is Friends Only. 

Please read the user info to add yourself to the community if you are interested. Once you have been approved by me, the mod, you will have posting and reading access.

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